From schoolteachers to skateboarders, everyone relishes a refreshing glass of root beer on a hot summer day. The biting sugar, the sparkling carbonation, the feeling like your teeth are melting away with each swallow: the experience is universal and beloved. An indie soda has no credibility without a quality root beer, just look at the drink dispenser of any burger boutique, but the major players still come out on top for me. Nonetheless, I’m always willing to give an underdog a try, so when this root beer caught my eye while trawling a remote Whole Foods juice aisle I gave it a try. Spoiler alert: this root beer is bad root beer.

Bacteria’s popularity has soared in recent years. You can hardly turn on the TV without hearing about the “gut microbiome” or yogurt. It’s made its way into tea, pickles, and dog food. Kombuchas of various strength line grocery shelves as far as the eye can see. Brimming with bacteria and our good old friend, yeast, commercial Kombucha combines yogurt and water in a friendly package. Ever alert to expand their reach of the juice section, Kombucha makers have branched out into root beer, bringing us to today.

Imagine if you will a root beer. This is no ordinary root beer. The fanciful but ultimately forlorn bubbles have disappeared into the ether, leaving behind disappointment. The remaining interstitial liquid tastes tangy and out of place, despite being the only thing in the can. Four dollars are also missing. Where is this root beer? Why, it’s at the top of this post!